by J.Still
Swans at Buckingham Palace ©jstill photographer
In younger years, I explored every avenue that opened up before me. The wilderness of mountains and forests where few tread increasingly became a living metaphor for me. Through all my experimentation with the physical, emotional, and psychological worlds, I persistently found privacy and deep contemplation in nature’s beauty. I, also, experienced the most remarkable elation just being in nature.
Naturally, I pursued such an experience over and over again. As a result, unexpected experiences perpetually unfolded. Consequently, I kept setting up the conditions to get back to the wilderness. I accepted jobs and roles that I did not conceive of myself being involved in ...prior to stepping in to the various positions. Of course, every job required me to expand my own idea of what I was capable of! and took me down new paths of learning and increasing my awareness.
It was only a matter of time before I found myself pursuing a more responsible version of being in the wilderness. Why not make the wilderness my occupation? So, I signed up for mountaineering school. I don’t recall how I chose the mountaineering school I chose; however, I absolutely recall my astonishment at how rigorous my chosen school turned out to be. Again, another opportunity to break my mental conception of what I can do.
You may have anticipated that this is not a sharing of the specifics of rigorous mountaineering though. My dad fondly called me “fearless.” But I knew differently. I saw the external worlds of humans as intolerable, as unwelcoming, as a constant defeat before I rose from my bed each morning. All the same, I set about succeeding at this mountaineering stuff, because of this dread of my failure to know any real happiness in life.
Initially, technical rope climbing to reach the peaks of bald mountains floored me by its danger. Am I really willing to die for this? I asked myself. At every peak, a new level of elation spurred me further and so much deeper IN to my purpose in being here. There were challenges too in the competitiveness of my fellow students. I recognized the core of their challenge. Like myself, like all humans, they were desirous of outer confirmation, of external world approval. I surprised myself by meeting their challenges and receiving some acclaim for my accomplishments.
Yet, there were challenges in which I had to address, my perception of as insurmountable. My purpose in sharing this experience is to humbly express …gratitude and recognition to anyone who, like myself, is climbing the proverbial mountain, flagging some times, going through all kinds of emotions and intellectual obstacles, falling backwards, stopping, and giving up. You are all a reflection of something vital to me. You are, whether you perceive this or not, coming Home to your true self, to your true nature, to your own version of unconditional Love. Over this odd and peculiar lifetime, these experiences caused me to recognize that who I am was embedded in me long before I was born. Who I Am is embedded in the core of my being. . .. in all of our beingness.
I cannot confirm for you the Truth and the value of this revelation. I am just standing here staring at an overhang and suddenly, I have it! There is another path to my peak experience. Simply stop resisting who I Am. The Real win is Knowing my true Self, not the limitations of the external world. At the “top of the mountain,” the view is unutterably amazing. Easily I perceive I have never been alone. I am whole and, therefore, free to love my true self. Now, I can love ALL of the experiences that brought me here.